Boris Johnson Offers “Perfect Solution” to Brexit Fishing Grounds Dispute – “We Let the Fish Decide”

It’s Crumpet time…


Brexit – The gift that keeps on giving.

Brexit negotiations are deadlocked as the UK and EU can not agree on access to fishing grounds in British waters.

The EU previously offered a kind of free-for-all attitude to fishing in fellow EU members waters, providing they were 12 nautical miles from the coast, but Brexit is putting the kaibosh on that.

Fish! Free roaming fish! That is the main thing they can not agree on.

Boris Johnson has now got involved in his inimitable way, and has put forward an idea he describes as a “perfect solution.” Boris proposes that we let the fish decide.

When questioned as to how this would work in practice, Boris replied “It’s simple… each fish that is caught in British waters is put into a tank and offered two pieces of bread, a crumpet, and a baguette. If the fish chooses the crumpet, it is classed as British and handed to British fishermen. If the fish chooses the baguette it is classed as European, and handed to fishermen from the EU.”

The Prime Minister continued to describe his proposed system as an “oven-ready solution” (where have we heard that before?)… “It’s simple, it’s decisive, it’s logical, and it’s fair.”

Who would have thought that fish would be the greatest stumbling block to a country withdrawing its membership of the EU?

Well, actually, pretty much all of the experts said that access to fishing grounds would be the most difficult part of brexit negotiations.

It’s the same issue that Greenland experienced when planning their withdrawal from the European Union (Gre-exit?) in 1982, which they never fully completed, and to this day they occupy a grey area known as an OCT (Overseas Countries and Territories associated to the EU), with some of the benefits of EU membership.

But don’t worry Britain, Boris is on the case.


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Amy "The Scoop" Scoeper
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