Brexit – Boris Johnson’s Oven Ready Deal Burnt to a Crisp

“So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Goodb… oh Hell! Which is the way out?”

Bumbling fool Boris Johnson’s oven-ready Brexit deal has been burnt to a crisp. Not just burned to a crisp. It has been decimated, humiliated, assassinated and cremated.

As he stares down at the charred remains of his (beaten) unbeatable deal, his (broken) unbreakable deal, and his (wavered) unwaverable deal (you get the picture!), he knows his time in office is short and that his options are narrowing.

His ability to lead the nation and represent the people has never been in doubt. We always new he was incapable of doing either.

Now stepping into the spotlight of Brexit trade negotiations, having spent most of the past year in hiding, he has been found wanting. He has been found weak. He has been found incompetent.

This is what happens when a pathological liar is forced to face reality, and deal with people of superior intelligence who adhere to procedure and have little time for rule-breaking charlatans.

As a national embarrassment, Boris Johnson plays the part of court jester very well. His twitchy mannerisms, stumbling speech, and unruly hair, paint the picture of a person who should be able to get away with almost anything… providing his carer is nearby.

But that won’t cut it on the international stage. The ancient word of buffoonery and its even older manner of behaviour just won’t translate to the international scene. There’s no stage for the bumbling oaf in Europe, no cheerful political landscape, and no sympathetic Daily Mail readers with their “it’s just Boris” attitude.

When you elect a circus, you must expect clowns. And as we have seen with this conservative government, political clowns come in many forms. From the bumbling embarrassment that is BoJo the Clown, to the sinister “It”-like creature that is Priti Patel, and almost everything inbetween.

It is difficult to imagine any other world where Boris Johnson and his gross ineptitude, convictions-for-hire, and insane moral flexibility could thrive. But supported by the army of troglodytes that forms his cabinet, who enable his outlandishness and enbolden his ambitions, Boris confidently surfs the wave of a lifetime… over a cliff, taking the rest of the nation with him.

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Amy "The Scoop" Scoeper
Writer of Truths and Mistruths
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