Rudy Giuliani has tested positive for Covid-19. It is the first time he has tested positive for anything in over a decade.
Over the years he has received a battery of tests to check whether he has a spine, principles, or integrity, but nothing was found. Even a logic test came back negative.
While his diagnosis comes as no surprise in light of his his frequent visits to the popular Trump-virus Super-Spreader Events, there are concerns about whether he has infected other people in his orbit, and the manner in which he may have infected them.
Giuliani recently attended a hearing in Michigan to make more baseless claims of electoral fraud. But conspiracy theories weren’t the only thing he was spreading at the event.
During proceedings, Giuliani audibly farted TWICE, much to the shock and embarrassment of all in attendance. A co-worker and an “expert” witness were seated in the immediate “blast zone” and were visibly shaken by the unexpected deployment of such a deadly gas.
As a witness described it “Giuliani’s noxious farts had far more substance than the frivilous lawsuits he has been filing on behalf of Donald Trump.”
Another witness described Giuliani’s seepage as akin to “a choking hazard.” She continued “I had to pepper spray myself just to clear my airways.”
An infectious diseases expert weighed in “There is every chance that Giuliani has now created an airborne variety of Covid-19, and spread it through the court hearing. Diseases are more likely to mutate inside the weak and infirm.” As we know, Giuliani ticks both boxes.
All those in attendance at the meeting have been advised to isolate. Anyone found to be bleeding from the eyes is advised to seek medical attention.